aloneness

I am alone. This has been a struggle for me ever since I moved away from my family over 2 years ago. Saturday, all day running errands, working a couple of hours at the bookstore, takin' care of business, and then I come home, and watch the sunset, and I am alone. The weekends are when I usually find comfort in a bottle of wine, mac n' cheese or pizza, then something too big and sweet for dessert...to numb it all. Tonight was different.

Spinach salad with avocado and cashews, a spoonful of coconut butter, I did break down and make a moderate serving of raw chocolate w/cacao. Yes, it was emotionally satisfying...and good for me.

Dealing with aloneness is intriguing, it sweeps feelings of "missing something important" to complete "independence and liberation". On one hand, no man is an island, and we are here to co-exist with the rest of the world, on the other hand, we all enter this world alone, and will exit it alone. I suppose another example of the duality of life, as I am learning to feel peace and comfort where ever I am. The day was warm, but I can feel the cool night breeze sweep in one window and out the next. Right now...I am at peace...and feel comfort in my aloneness...slumber awaits.

What I ate:

7am botched batch of tired bok choy whizzed in the blender with an apple. I even added agave syrup to help cut the bitterness of the green. Mega enzymes and vitamins. Filled up a wine glass and served it with a spoon. Managed through about half of it, but ended up dumping the rest of the blender batch into my compost.
Clean out my wine glass and filled it up with fresh squeezed (a couple of months ago) orange juice, from my parents backyard.
10am power shake
12 noon, banana and cashews
2pm apple
7pm spinach salad and cocnut butter
10 pm raw chocolate with cashews